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hello i am fat

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and lo

I pulled on a pair of pants - my sexy, sexy fat pants - that have been snug, that have been the impetus for all this wacky dieti- er, healthy eating, I've been doing. And I haven't noticed a change, one way or the other, in the way they've been snug around the tops of my thighs in a Fat Girl fashion. Until this morning.

I pulled them up, and I buttoned them, and I struggled to zip them. Struggled. I looked down in bewildered disbelief. I grabbed ahold of the tag, and sucked in, and yanked, and looked down at the bulge of my stomach and I said "why! Why the fuck do you not fit, when I've spent almost two weeks dietin- er, eating healthy, you motherfuckers? WHY?"

And then, I burst into tears.

And lo, the answer had descended upon me in the ethereal form of a big throbbing zit.

I hate it when my period surprises me.

  1. Blogger Kerri | 8:34 AM |  


    I am laughing my ass off and sympathizing completely. Hey, at least there's a reasonable -- albeit frustrating -- explanation. I thought I had lost all will to live when I couldn't keep myself from devouring anything resembling chocolate a few weeks ago. And that fact that I went to the gym 5 times that week, burned nearly 3,000 calories, and saw not one single pound shed from my ample frame. The good news is that the following week I lost 6 big ones. So.. hang in there. You'll be comfortably sliding in to your sexy fat pants again soon.

  2. Blogger Kerri | 8:52 AM |  

    Have you discovered the Chubby Girls Brigade? You can post your PMS Confessions! It's hilarious and cathartic all at the same time.


  3. Blogger Mojavi | 12:14 PM |  

    I read your blog a lot, and that was hilarious!!!!

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