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hello i am fat

important questions

Here is a dilemma, which is kind of hilarious and also sad. After the big closet clean-out, I was able to give most of my clothes to pie, who looks very cute in them. The ones she didn’t take, I could donate, and then people all over San Francisco could look almost but not quite as cute as me or pie.

Now, however, I’ve done the dresser clean out, and I’ve ended up with a nearly empty dresser, and six paper bags full of clothing. What do I do with these? Donate! you cry, and I say yes! That is so brilliant! Except that these bags are 6 paper bags full of pants that are not in the greatest shape, nightgowns, sleepshirts, and underpants. I don’t think there’s a Goodwill in the world that is going to take my underpants.

I could trash the stuff, but it seems like a huge waste and it makes me sad. Are there shelters which take underpants? I imagine there must be, but I also imagine that it’s new underwear that they are wanting, and not so much the kind which has been, you know. Gently used.

Pillows! I could make pillows! Or new skirts. Or a blanket. I had some really cute underpants. Who wouldn’t want an all-cotton quilt featuring adorable stripes, dots, polar bears and little hearts? Communists, that’s who. I think I have just figured out my mother’s day present this year. Losing weight is awesome.

Elastic Waists & Bodies of Work

We are now live! Conde Nast is pleased to present Elastic Waist. I'll be writing a daily weight blog round up, but the real draw, you'll find, are the daily articles by my favorite Weetabix, and the sexy Lunchbox Guru column which makes you want to be a better person.

My column, Body of Work, is running every weekday morning. Please update your links (there oughtn't be a "typepad" in there) and enjoy, I hope.

In the meantime, I will enjoy my latte. Calciumlicious!