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hello i am fat

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the technical term

Sometimes I am okay, and then sometimes I am crazy. It used to be yoked to the seasons, the up and down of my brain. That's what I thought, anyway. But now that I live somewhere without seasons, I am pretty sure I am just unluckily nuts. Or, to use the technical term: bugfucked.

It's a step up (or down, if you've got to be all technical about it, geeze) from my usual laziness and slothliness when things get tough. For when things get tough, what better thing to do than double-fisted cram? Well, plenty of better things. That's true.

This low-down feeling isn't so much a choice because I’m refusing to make a choice about my habits, it's the kind of thing where it's all I can do to haul myself out of bed in the morning. Fun times. Fun.

So not thinking a lot about websites and health and society's fucked-up notions of beauty vis a vis the controversy surrounding Dove campaign ads and all the other interesting and good things I should be thinking about.

It's been mostly breathe in, breathe out. Well, that went okay. Let's try it again. Slowly, slowly.

I'm not sure that this site is going to be updated at all for awhile, but you never know. There are tiny miracles all around us. Like, for instance, lavender chocolate truffles, and puppies, and bacon.

Hang on to the bacon, people. Hang on.

  1. Blogger Dee | 1:09 AM |  

    Hope you're feeling better soon.

    I wanted to say Hang in there, or little steps everyday but it all seems too corny or fake to wash down with a gulp of diet coke.

    So I'll just say, that I'll be thinking of you, hoping you'll come back soon.

  2. Blogger Kerri | 4:08 AM |  

    do what you need to do, girl. I'm spiraling toward the dark places, myself. Shitty, but I guess sometimes necessary, or something fucked up like that. Keep breathing and I'll be thinking of you.

  3. Blogger Jen O. | 8:14 AM |  

    Are you experiencing blog depression? It's spreading quicker than pink-eye these days.

  4. Anonymous Anonymous | 11:48 AM |  

    Hi,
    I just came across your blog searching for the calories in a can of tuna, but started reading and really enjoyed myself. Ya, I'm fat too, was a lot fatter but have been on this journey seriously for two years and am now 110 pounds less fatter than I used to be. There is help, its called the adjustable gastric band..it took me 47 years to finally beat this disease. Just dont give up, and thanks again for all the smiles you have given me.

  5. Anonymous Jamie | 11:20 AM |  

    Hold on because there will be a better day. Life is all about ups and downs. Try joining Oprah's boot camp, it really works! I have been a part of the "0 Excuses" group since April and have lost 16 pounds. It really helps to have the DAILY support of other women who are going through the same thing! Check it out because you are welcome to join anytime and it is FREE!

  6. Anonymous Anonymous | 12:02 PM |  

    you are one wickedly funny woman and i wish you nothing but health and peace and happiness. but as a person who also goes through the up and down doldrums, i know you just need to wait it and out and it'll pass. it always does, even though when you're deep in it you don't feel like it ever will. here's hoping it passes very soon, so we can enjoy your witty posts again. i sympathize, i empathize, i wish you the best.

  7. Anonymous Anonymous | 3:51 AM |  

    Oh, Anne, I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Hang on, sister.

  8. Blogger Michelle | 11:19 AM |  

    hi...

    I just stumble onto your site from another site. I've been reading through all kinds of sites trying to find a way out of the dumps. Haven't found it yet, but I'm hopeful.
    Anyway, I just hope your doing better. The blues are so hard to shake. Hang in there.

  9. Anonymous hopefulloser | 1:42 PM |  

    Hey there again,
    I've just found your site too and am loving it. I hope you feel better and don't go away too long.

    I'm suffering from a case of PMS myself and feel like crap too. It can be tough.

    Once the clouds clear it's going to be such a noticable and nice contrast to how you're feeling now.

    feel better,
    hopefulloser

  10. Blogger Kris | 7:00 PM |  

    I just wanted to say, I love your wit, your sense of humor and your writing style. I know where you're coming from. Take care and feel better soon.
    Kris

  11. Anonymous Anonymous | 7:34 PM |  

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  12. Blogger Natalia | 8:03 PM |  

    hey...I really liked your post. It felt real and raw; and not enough things are raw and real. Hang in there...things get better.

    Good vibes to you,

    -N

  13. Anonymous Mae | 7:17 AM |  

    Anne, I think you're honesty is awesome. I hope you get through this, and return to us. I hope that for you, because I know firsthand the bummer that depression/craziness is. I also, rather selfishly, hope it for us, because you have to much to offer us all!

    Besides, I need you to tell me more about these lavender chocolate truffles you mentioned...

  14. Anonymous Jennifer | 11:14 AM |  

    You can't stop updating! Because then I will have to shut down my blog in protest, and the entire internet would thus come to a screeching halt. :)

    Anyway, best of luck. We'll miss you.

  15. Anonymous angela | 12:54 PM |  

    Come back to us Anne....I keep checking your site and its stuck on "the technical term"....I don't know you, but feel a little like I do. I will keep checking. Don't give up on hope, because there is always that, HOPE! I hope I hope I hope :)

  16. Anonymous Anonymous | 2:46 PM |  

    I am fascinated by your public self exploration.

    I am working on a physiologically based program with rational approaches to irrational feelings.

    I too am overweight and losing weight for me is intimately tied to how I feel, exercise loneliness, self-esteem, glycemic index, stimulus associations: eating while listening to audiobooks, wathching TV, etc.

    I've hear people speak of allergies to certain foods but discounted their conclusions as ravings. I think now they are correct but not for the reasons they believe. Rather because such foods are comfort foods which are craved when an emotional crisis arises and it is the combination of increased blood sugar and the need not to feel that increases overeating.

    In any case, I like your mind.

  17. Blogger thealphafry | 10:07 PM |  

    your journal is really cute. :) ok, so I'm a design nerd and i love your vintage picture, the colors, everything. the content seems to be great too. thanks for linking the dove campaign article. i'm intrigued by culture, advertising, controversy, yadayada. I will definitely come again soon.

  18. Blogger webcams | 3:42 PM |  

    Not what I was searching for, but none the less and interesting blog here. Thanks for putting it up. I've enjoyed reading alot of the text here. I got you bookmarked for the future, I'll be back.

    My site is a bit different, some think it's odd. I guess it's a matter how you look at it. I have a weight loss chart related site. Most of the articles are on weight loss chart.

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