not exactly 53 pounds

Here at the end of week one, I am not sad at all that I did not, in fact, lose 54 imaginary pounds, because instead I lost 3.4 real live ones. That is a victory, and to celebrate, I am drinking skim milk. With an oreo garnish. Because victory, man!

The one thing that got me through Weight Watchers the last time was what we officially labeled Cheat Night – though Cheat Night might not be, psychologically speaking, the best thing to call it. But that's the name that stuck, and that's what it will always be.

Cheat Night ruled. Cheat Night was the Night to End all Nights. The very next Cheat Night was something we were planning for, even while we were in the midst of the current Cheat Night, my friend Al and I.

McDonalds saved our sanity, and Ben & Jerry's saved our metabolism, and when we Cheat Nighted, we lost weight regularly and like clockwork. Well, he lost way more weight than I did, because he sucks and he cheated with liposuction and illegal pills and some other thing having to do with having a man's metabolism or whatever, but it worked.

You are severely cutting down your calories all week – allowing one day a week to go up out of your stinking Calorie Budget and splurge (what an awful word "splurge" is, aesthetically and in every way. Jeeze.), you keep your body from going into starvation mode. That is Science.

Well, that is Something I Made Up, really, but it seems logical, and makes sense, and this oreo in my mouth, as I type? It's making me happy. It was like a gift in the middle of general grimness, a way to relax after a week of excessive fright – everything you put in your mouth scares you, when you're on a diet, or a meal plan, or trying to lose weight. You're always wondering if this is going to be the thing that fucks you up, sends you weight rocketing, ruins everything. Cheat Night is a night to stop considering that, and to enjoy food.

So this week is going to be one night of indulgence, and the rest of the week Planning. I've Lean Cuisines in the freezer at work, and a sack full of yogurts. I've got skim milk in the fridge, and baggies of Kashi lined up to drop in my bag in the morning, next to the banana. All I've got to do is figure out some kind of satisfying mid-afternoon snack that won't have me considering licking the vending machine window and gazing tearfully at the snickers bars, and I will be so good to go, you don't even know, man.

And I also really need to think about exercising. I've got a lot of goofy videos that should not particularly kill me, and there is where I've got to start, if I ever want to kick my own ass again and enjoy it. I am really looking forward to killing myself softly – Guy reminded me last night of how much I was loving going to the gym and tearing up the elliptical, and how much happier I was, in general. And by god, he's right. I miss that feeling. That is what I'm working towards.

That, and Cheat Nights.

This entry was posted by anne, on Tuesday, June 14, 2005. You can leave your response.