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hello i am fat

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cleaning out the closet

The thing about having been skinnier than this, but also way fatter than this, is that I am suddenly trapped in a terribly unfashionable in-between state from which there is no escape, because I really don't want to spend money on new clothes. By which I mean "am so poor I cannot afford to spend money on new clothes, especially clothes that will last me a whole month, max, but probably not even that long."

I know, wah, poor me, who it is so hard to be. It remains frustrating. The clothes I have, the smaller clothes – some fit me, but most are still ever-so-slightly too short or too tight or ride up or cling to things that haven't gone away yet (go away, go away, go away). They need about another ten pounds for fitting correctly. The larger-size clothes I have that used to fit me, they are mostly swimming on me, big fashionable sacks, which makes me sad because I'd like to say hello, world! Please enjoy my littler waist! But in these things, not so much.

I have got to go through my closet and separate out the larger sizes from the still-larger sizes from the medium large sizes to the smaller sizes, because while it sounds like a lot of fun to surprise yourself every day when you're getting dressed – to what degree will this totally not fit? let's find out! – it is not, and it is frustrating.

But I have been putting that off. Mostly, I think, because I'm going to miss (some of) my clothes so much. I had some excellent clothes, and I am unearthing things I haven't worn in ages, as I dig through my closet, desperate for something to wear. All of them are too-big things, but I am wearing them anyway, because soon I will not be able to wear them at all without social embarrassment, and I am wearing them happily, even though they look really stupid. On Monday I wore my awesome silk-screened Pirate Love blouse, and on Tuesday, I wore my long pleated denim skirt, and Wednesday was my pink t-shirt with the birds and swirlies.

Today, it is a long satin skirt with sequins sewn on. It was originally ankle-length, but since it no longer sits at my waist, but instead rides down on my hips, it is even longer. And it swishes and is ridiculous and I love it. I loved it less when I was getting on the bus, and I stepped on the skirt. Which meant that I yanked it down, which meant that despite how fast I pulled it back up, all the way to my neck, a good three-quarters of the bus enjoyed a long, leisurely look at my leopard-print underpants (which, incidentally, are also becoming far too large on me. Sexy!).

So maybe this weekend I will do some closet purging and say some sad goodbyes and maybe see if I can break into my neighbor's house and steal some of her pants.

  1. Blogger Melinda | 1:29 PM |  

    We need to start some kind of round-robin system where people can hand off clothes to each other as they shrink out of them so that we can constantly be giving larger clothes away to people who had surgery after us and getting smaller clothes from people who had surgery before us. That would be awesome.

    (Also, my entire current closet has already had dibs called on it by one of my friends. Smart girl.)

  2. Blogger mo pie | 1:29 PM |  

    Yay!

    I mean, that sucks.

  3. Blogger anne | 1:33 PM |  

    (Also, my entire current closet has already had dibs called on it by one of my friends. Smart girl.)

    Mine, too! (Her name rhymes with "Bow Tie.")

    A lot of surgeon's support groups have a clothes closet kind of thing, but my surgeon has older patients, and, well. I will deal for now.

  4. Blogger NicoleW | 6:31 PM |  

    Ah, that takes me back. Just before I started losing weight I bought some really cool clothes from an eBay store, and I absolutely hated to give them up when they became too big. I was forced to say goodbye to my all-time favorite skirt when I tripped over the hem and took a big, noisy header on a staircase at a bookstore. D'oh.

  5. Blogger Luna Bella | 6:47 PM |  

    How great for you to be getting back into some of your smaller stuff again. But I hear you about giving up some of the big-girl clothes that you love.
    I was having trouble saying buh-bye to a favorite skirt that had gotten too big...and then I stood up from the table at a dinner party, and it slid off my hipbones and down around my ankles. Suddenly I felt less attached, somehow.

  6. Blogger Abby | 8:31 AM |  

    (This is my first time reading your blog - it's really great!)

    I was in a similar situation when gaining weight after being ill for a while (ill as in mentally, and gaining as in getting to a normal weight, lol) but every time I saw the pile of clothes I couldn't fit anymore, it was just so upsetting and made it very tempting to just go and lose all over again. Instead, after convincing myself it was good to be where I was, I took all the shirts that didn't fit and cut them into squares and made a blanket. Now I'm not sad when I see them, but I can snuggle into them at night and not regret getting rid of clothes that I loved. :3
    It was really easy too, I just sewed the squares onto a fleece blanket I got at a drug store!
    I also sold some to a consignment shop and have made a few bucks that way.
    I'd be horrified if I pantsed myself on the bus, though! That's terrible, and funny too.

  7. Anonymous Maggi | 8:59 AM |  

    For clothing items that you particularly love-- high quality, great fabric, good colors for you, or just a classic look that you know you'd wear for years-- paying to have them taken in is TOTALLY WORTH IT. I've had a couple suits taken in, and it cost far less than I expected, and I'm so glad I did.

  8. Blogger PastaQueen | 10:41 AM |  

    I'm on my 3rd winter coat in 3 years, so I hear ya'. Once you get into the smaller sizes you'll be able to find more stuff at thrift stores and Goodwill, so your budget won't suffer as much. I was able to get my latest coat for only $50 at a thrift store, whereas I had to pay over $200 for the only 3X coat I could find two years prior.

  9. Anonymous littlem | 6:23 PM |  

    What Melinda and Maggi said. Totally.

    Also, there are some comments on "Bow Tie"'s (hee hee) site about wide-legged pants with elasticized waists (some snarky girl wrote them - the comments, not the pants). They will carry you through four sizes (20-16, 16-10, etc.).

    One waistline slipping from bellybutton to mid-thigh is really all that's necessary to seriously consider putting stuff in storage. Ask your friendly neighborhood cleaner to recommend a tailor. Perhaps they are one and the same, like a secret identity.

  10. Blogger Ann | 7:00 PM |  

    Congrats!
    I think you're smart to do get rid of stuff when it stops fitting. This time around losing weight (sloooooowly) I made myself get rid of anything too big when I grew out of it. Sort of sets the idea of permanent weight loss in the brain as well as the body. Plus it felt so incredibly cool to take size 20-somethings, then 18s, then 16s, then 14s to the Mission.
    Good luck!

  11. Anonymous Curvy Goddess | 2:26 AM |  

    Sell your bigger clothes on ebay to make some cash! I just did that with my biggest clothes, many of which I did not want to sell because I loved them so much! But they no longer fitted me and I grew fed up of the fear of exposing myself ;-)

    I just made £100 which I guess is like $200 and had a little shopping spree (we are ripped off clotheswise here in the uk!).

    Ebay takes time but worth doing.

    Luv CG xx xx

  12. Anonymous Cat | 8:00 AM |  

    Believe me, I know not everyone has this resource, and in fact mine's an hour away...but if you have a city with a decent Goodwill or consignment shop, it is SO worth the trip, even if the trip is two hours each way on the bus with shopping bags. It's certainly true that it gets a lot easier to do well at second-hand shops as your size goes down, but even when we're talking 20 and above, really good thrift shops have some amazing stuff. Not rural ones (alas) but city ones. And paying $3.50 for Talbot's and J. Jill and all that is just as sweet as...marshmallow. Or a dirty martini, which I miss. :-) Maybe you and your guy could make a field trip?

  13. Blogger miss petite america | 11:18 AM |  

    when i started losing weight a while back, i took my nicer things to consignment to sell...and used the money to buy my inbetween clothes .

  14. Anonymous Anonymous | 9:56 PM |  

    I wish you would start posting more frequently as you used to. I am a lurker but I LOVE your blog-its one of the wittiest weight loss blogs out there. I find blogs help me in my own struggle with weight and I have been searching for something to replace your blog, but most of them bore me.

    Oh well...
    Its not that I don't realize how audacious it is of some random stranger on the net to wish you would write more, when you have stuff to do, but still there it is...

  15. Blogger Shannon | 12:51 PM |  

    I am taking an alterations class next month! I can take in your pants! Maybe! If I don't suck at it!

  16. Anonymous La BellaDonna | 5:23 AM |  

    Trousers can be difficult to take in, but the skirts should be relatively easy. Unless there's some complicated cutting in the waist/hip area, you ladies should be able to hang onto your skirts for a while - especially if they are satiny with sequins. Note to wearers of long skirts: nothing wrong with picking up the skirt hem so you don't kill yourself going up steps! Just bunch fabric in one hand and pick it up. Drop it at the top of the stairs. Even if both hands are carrying something, you can usually manage some fabric in the one hand

  17. Blogger Dave Patrick | 11:15 AM |  

    Hi, yeah, its a slow road to weight loss, I find severly cutting the high glycemic carbs and sugars help ten fold, its something I talk about in my free online weight loss program. Never give up.

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