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hello i am fat

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on the way

Some people call them yay moments, or Aha moments, or smilestones, but I will tell you right now, I will kill myself flat dead before I allow any of those words to pass my lips. Except in an ironic manner. I give myself a pass for irony, which is delicious like candy and twice as fun. But not as fun as puns, which are like bon bons or maybe kittens. Which you can eat like bon bons.

Anyway! I did not have a yay moment, or a smilestone – what happened was that I realized that I could do something now that I’ve lost 75 pounds which I haven’t been able to do in a really long time because I was so out of shape and it made me extremely happy.

I’m starting to kind of understand the “smilestone” thing. It’s shorter, anyway.

On my day off, which was today, I decided that I should get out of the house because hiding like a rat in the dark is probably not healthy, and also it was lovely out, with sun and wind, in a way it has not been for awhile, around here.

What I did, despite the bright sun which burns and my natural, inherent lazy nature which will ultimately be my downfall when the revolution comes and my back is up against the wall, was walk on down to the main drag of my neighborhood, with the shops and the things, and I browsed, window-style, up one side and down the other, and into the coffee shop for delicious herbal tea, and then into the bookstore for an hour, up and down the aisle, and then toddling on home, perfectly not-tired, if a little dazzled from all the weather.

This represents, more or less, 10 or 12 blocks, maybe. Some of them slightly uphill, even! They are not long blocks, granted, but considering that it had been hard for me to walk the two blocks to the bus before my surgery, and was still hard after what with being as weak as a bon-bon-sized kitten, this was a revelation to me. I did not stop to rest, or need to take a break. I remember considering waiting for the train to take me the four blocks home from where I was, and then idly dismissing the possibility.

I walked! Easily and happily and without any coercion from Guy, who demands that I not die from some kind of pulmonary embolism, which he insists is still a possibility and which I think is just a scare tactic. I walked, comfortably and happily and recreationally – it is like I’ve got a piece of my life back, a piece of normal life, and I’m on my way back to being normal.

  1. Anonymous j @ rta (well, i used to be...) | 6:35 AM |  

    So glad you had a good day out!

  2. Blogger Melli | 6:03 PM |  

    And you HAVE! And now that you know it you should be ~~ happy dancin' ~~ all OVER the place!!! WHAT an accomplishment! I would DEFINITELY refer to this as a SMILEstone!

    I look back a year (60 pounds ago) to what I could NOT do then -- and to what I CAN do now, and I am AMAZED! I am a totally and completely different person! I still have about 70 more pounds to go -- and I'm probably about 2 years to goal -- but honestly, if something "happend" and I could NOT lose another pound, I am just sO much happier where I am now than where I was -- it really has made a life altering difference!

    You are going to find yourself able to do SO many more things! And the more you CAN do, the more you will WANT to do! I know a HUGE moment for me, was at the beach this past summer -- my daughter wanted to rent recumbent tricycles and go ride on the boardwalk. The year before I had tried and couldn't even pedal a block! THIS year when I went, I was pedaling up and down that boardwalk - running circles around my teenage daughter! It was SO much fun!

    I am SO proud of you! I knOw we don't even know each other! But believe me, I AM PROUD of you! I knOw how hard this is! And I know the rewards are GREAT! KEEP it UP!!!

  3. Anonymous Ezpy | 4:27 PM |  

    This is something that still blows me away some days. Just being able to walk and walk miles without needing to rest, without feeling tired and without being worried that the next day the bone spurs in my feet will feel like glass.

    Now I go backpacking for pleasure. So strange!

    It's still hard some days to get my head around. Example? We live about 5 blocks from the supermarket. Before I had surgery and lost weight I used to dread walking there -- it was so hard going there and back. Now of course it's a breeze. But sometimes I still forget and feel the old dread at the realizations I need to walk up there for something!

  4. Anonymous Amy | 12:41 PM |  

    Congratulations - I think that's wonderful!

    "Smilestone" reminds me of "smober" which is one of those terms that ex-smokers use... like, "I've been smober for two weeks now." Get it? Sober? Plus Smoking? Smober? A ha ha ha. Seeing it in posts & blogs after I quit smoking made me just that much more homicidal.

    Which reminds me... you quit too, right? How is that going?

    Best of luck with everything... you're doing a fantastic job & I'm so glad that you're posting again!

  5. Blogger Andrea | 8:32 AM |  

    Awesome. That is just way, totally awesome.

  6. Blogger Isabelle | 1:48 PM |  

    So glad to read such a happy post. And 75 pounds! That's wonderful. Well done.

  7. Blogger terri | 9:26 AM |  

    what a wonderful story. i am happy you had a happy cheery outing. i am rooting for you - and wishing you more and longer walks, and nice weather days and more self and body discoveries!

  8. Blogger Beth | 12:34 PM |  

    That is just amazingly fabulous. Congratulations!

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