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hello i am fat

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Ding!

So, that happened. How was your week?

Oh, ho ho.

I will go into further detail later, in a post to be entitled "Holy Fuck, Think Twice," just in time for the holidays, I think. But to sum up: this is hard. You may go into this thinking it's hard, but I am tough! I am strong like bull! I am no tiny peanut to be eaten by the elephant of pain! Or maybe some other metaphors that make more sense!

But you don't know, man. You don't know until you do it, and it's hard, and it hurts. Morphine is nice, and liquid vicodin, that's pretty sweet, but there is so much that is painful and strange and off-putting and frustrating about this whole experience.

I woke up hurting, and it got better each and every day. But what isn't changing is how tired I am all the time, how frustrating it is to want to go to the corner store and have to go have a lie down when I get back, to pick something up and then remember I'm not supposed to pick anything up and be reminded by that unpleasant stretching feeling in my belly. Showering is exhausting, sitting up is exhausting and lying down is exhausting and I almost cried, the night I finally managed to arrange the pillows in such a way that would let me finally – finally! – sleep on my side. No, I'm lying. I did cry. That's something I do at the drop of a hat, for no good reason.

There is no way I could have gone through this alone – no fucking way. Guy has been incredible. He has done so much for me, and so sweetly and cheerfully and happily that I could cry. And did. Several times, with a pillow over my head while he laughed at me for being silly.

This has been hard and frustrating and exhausting, and getting my protein shakes in and my water in and my vitamins in has been a chore like you wouldn't believe. Who the fuck would think drinking a protein shake was a hard job? It's a hard job. They are nasty like nasty ass in a nasty juice made from nasty. I'm not getting enough protein and I won't get enough protein for awhile, not until I heal some more and can take in more than I currently can.

Also, everything smells like Hospital. My bed and my clean clothes and my living room and my deodorant, none of which smelled like Hospital before I left. I don't know WHY but it is driving me NUTS.

But also: I am walking. I am doing better every day. I am glad to have done this and am waiting impatiently for the weeks to tick by, for things to get easier and easier until this is an ordinary way that I just am. It's coming closer each day and I am strong like bull and not a tiny peanut at all and I have lost 30 pounds, and I already feel lighter.

I woke up on that hospital bed aching and scared and tired, feeling sick and sad, but mostly thinking I can't wait to get started. That, and more morphine, please. Ding!

  1. Anonymous Anonymous | 7:12 PM |  

    I love your blog and think you're so brave for taking this step! I hope the painful stuff passes quickly. Sending you good thoughts!

    --- Melanie

  2. Anonymous Anonymous | 7:54 PM |  

    I'm glad to see you posting again! I think any abdominal surgery is hard, although I don't discount that GB surgery might be more difficult than my appendectomy of a year ago or so. I remember how difficult it was to sit up, walk, laugh, cough, etc. That sucked. But it got better and you will too. :)

  3. Anonymous Jilanna | 4:04 AM |  

    Glad to hear that you're home and doing ok. Thanks for some much needed perspective.

    Big hug,
    j

  4. Blogger Mamato2boys | 10:11 AM |  

    I hope that you start to feel a little bit better everyday! Oh and Find a protein shake that you like. It makes a huge difference in your energy level when you can get in your requirements. In the meantime rest up and hang on! It is quite the ride!

    Hugs!
    Ang

  5. Anonymous shrinky | 2:17 PM |  

    I just wanted to say that I really admire your courage for taking this step and for sharing your experiences on your blog. I hope that your recovery gets easier and *fast*!

  6. Blogger NicoleW | 6:27 PM |  

    It's great to hear from you! Here's to things getting easier and easier. And to protein shakes that aren't made of nasty; wish I had some recommendations for that.

  7. Blogger PatL | 6:36 PM |  

    I'm sorry it's so hard but glad you're sharing the hardness honestly so people who come after you will hear it. I'm really looking forward to hearing more about your journey. How exciting!

  8. Blogger Melli | 5:36 AM |  

    WOW! 30 pounds already! That is wonderful! I know it's hard... no... I don't KNOW... but I had a feeling it would be. But like you say -- it's getting better each day -- and it will continue to get better each day! Ahhhhhh... it's going to end FABULOUS! Think how much BETTER you are going to feel! I'm sO happy for you!

  9. Anonymous Dolley | 8:24 AM |  

    Congratulations! I'm glad you made it through OK.

    Based on a couple of pretty severe surgeries, I would say, be prepared to spend the next six months to a year being tired. That's it. Just it. You will be tired, because you will be healing. You will also be tired because anesthesia is stored in body fat; as it's released through your system, it will continue to fatigue you. The good news is, the less fat, the less anesthesia. Your body is going to take a while to heal, and I guarantee any pet you have will insist on standing on the surgery site. Apparently that's a requirement of some sort. Be kind to yourself; your body has had a tremendous shock - it's one of the reasons you find yourself crying unexpectedly.

    It'll get better. You'll get better. I'm very happy for you.

  10. Anonymous Anonymous | 10:17 AM |  

    Welcome to the world of the switched, Anne! Congratulations for making it through the hard part. Now comes the fun stuff!

    You'll feel like you got hit by a Mack truck for at least two months. I was taking spontaneous naps every time I could. By the third month, things were much better on that front, especially since I could get my protein levels up. And I promise, some of the protein shakes will actually taste good once your taste buds stop wigging out.

    Keep up the good work!

  11. Anonymous angie | 11:12 AM |  

    Congrats Anne and so glad to hear you are home! I remember after my gall bladder surgery how amazed I was that such tiny little holes could be the cause of so much pain and discomfort. And the napping! I know gall bladder and gastric bypass may start with the same letters, but are not the same...but that's my only surgical experience so I have little to compare.

    I'm not sure what my point was now.

    Anyway, glad you are home and well on the road to recovery!

  12. Blogger DiminishingDawn | 1:48 PM |  

    I'm sorry to hear that it's been a rough start. I hope it gets better for you as it did for me!

    This surgery is amazing!!

    Dawn
    http://home.cogeco.ca/~diminishingdawn
    288/195.5/140

  13. Blogger *S* | 5:40 PM |  

    You summed it up really well -- especially the nasty funk of smell, food and being drag-ass tired all the time. I'm entering week 6 of being switched and today is the FIRST frikkin' day I haven't needed a nap to make it through. Congrats on the surgery!

  14. Blogger Lotta | 6:08 PM |  

    Thanks for sharing this with us. Especially this line, "nasty like nasty ass in a nasty juice made from nasty"

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