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hello i am fat

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Seat 14C

I took a vacation, not so long ago. A week with friends, down at Joshua Tree. I was unhappy about the flight, because I am always unhappy about flying, and I hate, so so so so much, asking my seat partner if it is okay if I leave the arm rest up. That is like turning to someone and saying "Hello! Please notice how fat I am! Thanks!" It's a short flight, SF to LA, but I still worry. That is what I do.

I got on the plane, and sat in the seat, and thought, "Hmm." Then, I experimentally lowered the armrest. And I fit. I was still snug in there, my hip touching the arm, but I fit, and was comfortable, and I was so excited that I kept it down, even when it turned out that I had the whole aisle to myself. Awesome.

Awesomer: on the way back, I climbed into my seat (same aisle on the same type of plane), put the armrest down, and found I had space. I was not snug - the seat was all roomy. I almost burst into tears. I hid behind my Entertainment Weekly and giggled wildly.

I love this. It also pisses me off. I am trying to come up with a way to express this that makes sense, and I've spent five minutes backspacing things. The best way to say it is maybe that it pisses me off that I spent so many years uncomfortable, miserable and ashamed, trying to fit into public spaces. It feels like - like I wasn't fit for public consumption, and I was being punished for that. It goes back to the old debate - should we make the world more fat-accessible, or does that encourage people to get fatter? I think I would have just been grateful.

  1. Anonymous Deluzy | 7:17 PM |  

    I so hear you on the happiness *and* the pissed-off feeling, too. No, it wouldn't have encouraged me to stay fat. But it might have made me feel less like an alien life form.

    I'm happy for you!

  2. Blogger amelia | 8:33 PM |  

    hi there -- i've been reading for a while now, but wanted to say hello (hello!) and note how much the happy/pissed-off conundrum strikes a chord with me, too.

    you mention the incentive problem, but i would point out that it's mostly false. shaming someone into losing weight is at best a temporary "solution" to a weirdly overblown "problem", at worst a great way to open a can of eating-disordered worms. in either case, the "it's for your health"/rational incentives rhetoric doesn't survive much scrutiny.

    (also, eew, eating disordered worms. gross!)

  3. Blogger Tel | 1:34 PM |  

    I've been reading for a long time, too, and I didn't realize you live in SF! I used to live in SF and just moved! :)

    I know what you're saying. I joined Weight Watchers and have lost 5 pounds in the last 4 weeks - it's slow but I'm OK with it.

    I lost 20 pounds about 2 years ago and the difference in what my ass would fit in without spilling over was amazing. The next time I fly will be in June, and I hope to be at 20 pounds gone. I look forward to seeing how much room I have in those seats!

    And regarding making America more fat-friendly....well, I'm torn on the issue. While I know the torture and self pity and hate I felt while 270 pounds, and wished I could just git a little more room, I don't agree with "encouraging" obesity.

  4. Anonymous Anonymous | 4:15 PM |  

    I think the plane thing is just unfortunate. I mean, even a smidge more extra room means less seats to squeeze on the plane, which means $$$ to the airline.

    It sucks though.

    Anne, you need to post more about your FEELINGS re surgery? Do you wish you did it earlier?

  5. Anonymous Anonymous | 9:25 AM |  

    I can so relate to the happiness and relief. First, it was fitting in the seat. Second, it was not needing an extender. The final piece was being able to drop the tray completely in front of me in my seat on Tuesday. That victory was shortlived as I got "upgraded" into the bulkhead, where I fit quite well, despite the fixed chair arms, but am not quite slim enough to get the in-arm tray to lay completely flat.

    I so don't buy the "poor, poor, airlines" line. They definitely could do better on both width and pitch (i.e. legroom). They do a shitty job accommodating the handicapped as well - speaking from experience where I was literally dropped out of a wheelchair.


  6. Anonymous Anonymous | 9:28 AM |  

    Oh, for goodness sakes, had I realized that you were in SF I would have asked you to Lois the Pie Queen with Deluzy, SparklyJules and others. We'll try again in June, if you are interested.


  7. Anonymous littlem | 11:58 PM |  

    "should we make the world more fat-accessible, or does that encourage people to get fatter?"

    So what do you think now?

  8. Anonymous Anonymous | 2:17 PM |  

    I am ashamed that we have special accomodations for fat people. I don't have health insurance because it has gotten so extremely expensive. It isn't all going to overpaid doctors and corrupt insurance comapanies. Much of it is the extra cost to care for the growing population of fat people and the health problems that accompany being fat. Fat people don't pay higher premiums. We all pay higher premiums. LOSE THE WEIGHT. Don't tell me it's a metabolism problem either. I've been a grocery store cashier before and I know what you eat.

  9. Anonymous mkandy | 11:32 AM |  

    I think making the world more "fat-accessible" is going to add to the concern of loved ones. There are alot of concerned family members who want them to lose weight because they are concerned with health issues.

    Be strong in your convictions and you will find success in whatever you're choosing to do.

  10. Blogger amit saini | 4:41 AM |  

    hey if you think you are fat and wants to be slim then...got to the link below...it's answer to all your questions...
    hope you will get your answers...

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