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hello i am fat

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something even more bizarre and inexplicable

Hi! Hello. There have been things. Things that are Things, even. There's been my mother staying with me for an exhausting amount of time, and school work and work-work and my brain not working and all sorts of manner of stuff happening. You know. The usual.

As is usual, I stopped thinking about my fucking pants and eating good things and moving, and concentrated more on keeping on keeping on, and sometimes, hanging on by the skin of my teeth, and sometimes pure and simple survival. Which is, occasionally, less pure and not quite as simple as you'd think it was.

Also, I ate dark chocolate peanut m&ms, but just once.

My mental and emotional state is never quite as stable as I would optimally like it to be, but sometimes I go swerving down into the dark and ugly and I would laugh at my self for being so pathetic if you know, I wasn't so mired in very tragic despair. Tragic.

Things in general, however, have been bettering up in a lot of ways for the past couple of weeks. I have been working on school projects with great gusto and enthusiasm which is unusual for me, and I've gotten some Feedback that has kicked my ass with its awesomeness. I got a raise at work. Guy has been uniformly wonderful across the board and back again, as per usual. And my mom went home.

And recently I have discovered the winning of an award which is pretty cool and involves an all-expenses paid trip to put me on panels and have me leading workshop discussions and speaking in front of large groups of people, all of whom are going to be thinking "boy, she's fat."

So that's shaken me out of my physical lethargy (along with the tiny meltdown I had last weekend over the wearing of a dress to a party which made me look like a big paisley meatball – the dress, I mean, not the party. The party did not make me look anything but slightly tipsy) and I went to a weight watchers meeting this afternoon to discover that I am Captain Weighs A Lot. A Lotta Lot. Five pounds heavier than my heaviest weight ever! Woo! I rule.

So it starts again. This time, I have a goal. I wish to lose some pounds before the conference in October. Let's call that five months. Let the amount of weight I would like to lose equal 30. Let's pretend that's reasonable, for now. And let me not give up this time, please.

Ahoy.

  1. Anonymous JB | 6:39 PM |  

    Glad you're back! I was about to leave a polite note asking if you had expired, like cottage cheese. I'm so pleased you're back on track and have a Goal! Go you!

    Oh, and thanks a lot for telling me about dark chocolate peanut M&Ms. I didn't know those existed. Now my days and nights are haunted...

  2. Anonymous Loretta | 7:30 AM |  

    welcome back!

  3. Blogger stephanie | 7:53 AM |  

    Ahoy, ahoy! Good to see you back and ready to kick some ass.
    Kick on, friend, kick on.

  4. Blogger stephanie | 7:53 AM |  

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. Anonymous FatBlogger | 9:33 PM |  

    You don't know me, I have been lurking around reading your site on occasion. I am delighted to see that you are back. Like JB, I was not delighted to find out that peanut M&M's now come in dark chocolate, please tell us you were wrong!

    I wish you the best of luck and determination on your new goals and I am hoping we do not have to wait another month to hear how it is going!

  6. Anonymous Maeander | 10:40 PM |  

    Ah, I too went to a Weight Watchers meeting this week to discover I was above my highest weight ever, but my seven pounds beat your five... and, I'm also hoping somehow, some way I can not give up this time.

    I will wish you strength... and hell, while I am at it, I will wish it for me, too ;)!

  7. Anonymous Anonymous | 9:30 AM |  

    You can do this!

  8. Anonymous sasha | 10:47 AM |  

    You get all my support for the achieving of goals and health and wealth and all that. But honey? Seriously, they are going to be looking at you thinking "boy. She's gorgeous and talented and funny, and why I can't I be her?"

  9. Blogger Kerri | 10:29 AM |  

    Nice to see you back in action. Kick some ass and defeat the damn pants once and for all. You CAN do it... just gotta do it. As cool as it is to see you back in the saddle, I am distressed to learn about the dark chocolate M&Ms. God help us all.

  10. Blogger Heather | 5:35 PM |  

    Yay! You are back.

  11. Blogger anne | 4:51 PM |  

    You, you people. You are all kind, and kind of awesome. Thank you! And luck to you, too. And pretend I never brought up the m&ms. It's a much better world that way. Really.

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